6-6:30am: Drag my tired fanny out of bed because I was up 3 times cause Prince Little Bit woke up again.
6:30-6:45: Try as hard as ever to drink a cup of coffee and wake up!
6:45-7am: Wake the teenager beast...Prince Seven is not a morning person.
7-7:05 (sometimes longer): Yell at the teenager to hurry up or we will miss the bus!
7:05-7:13: Drive like crazy (safely though) to make the bus and pray the whole way he makes it so you don't have to drive him to school 20 minutes down the hill!
7:13-7:25: Visit briefly with 2 moms I know and then drive like mad (safely) back to the house so my hubby can get to work by 7:30.
7:30-7:45: Finish helping Prince Linus get ready for school. Shuffle Prince Pigpen and Prince Little Bit to my Mom's.
7:45-7:50: Run Prince Linus to school and head back home for the little boys.
8-12ish: From here the day varies you know I hear I 'm hungry can I have a snack? I'm thirsty can I have a drink? I want lunch (at 8am in the morning). Can I watch a movie now? But if I am really really lucky Prince Little Bit takes a long long morning nap....but only if a Prince Pigpen is very very quiet....and that is rare!
12-12:20: (depending on if it is a Wed. or not) Run get Prince Linus from school and pray I am not late as he thinks I forgot him if I am. Then back to the house for a few hours.
3:20-3:45: Get Prince Seven from the bus stop and 99% of the time give his friends a ride home.
So you see most days I feel very overwhelmed and I haven't even added in all the things that may hit through out the day unexpectedly. By bedtime I feel lost, tired, drain and just plain ole like I can't catch my breath. And this week has been no different in my routine until yesterday. Life is so unfair......pain comes in many forms but the pain of a child whom is losing someone extremely close to them is a pain like no other. And being a parent and having to tell their child this news is the hardest thing you may do.
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| I see more in the every now than I did before. |
Almost 5 years ago our family lost my Dad. Prince Seven was only 10 years old at the time. He didn't quite understand all that was happening except that his most favorite person in the world was dying. He will never be the same and his fear of losing the ones he loves most grew. Tuesday afternoon I had to tell him his Grandma (his dad's mom) was dying. She has been the one to help us through so much. He spent 3 weeks of his summer last year with her.....he has been asking for a few weeks now when he could visit her again. No one told us how bad it really was until Tuesday....how sick she really was. And I had to tell him....I didn't want to, my heart was hurting...I knew what was coming...but I had to tell him. So I did at 3:45 on Tuesday afternoon, he got in the car and this is what was said:
Prince Seven: So what do you need to talk to me about? Am I in trouble or something?
Me: No your not in trouble but I have something very important to tell you. (my voice was shaky I couldn't control it)
Prince Seven: What's the matter? Is Grandma R dead?
Me: Ummmm no.....but.....(I couldn't control my voice or the tears that started to fall)....I got a call today from your Aunt and then one from your dad and Grandma is very very ill.
Prince Seven: So? She is sick so what?
Me: (the tears still came and my voice was so sad) She's not just a little sick son.....it is really really bad....the doctors say she's dying. (What came next just broke my heart)
He punched the car window...he was mad...ok...I knew that was coming...but then he turn away like he was looking out the window and then I heard the sobbing....he sobbed all the way home! I didn't see that coming. Prince Seven is not one to cry he holds his feelings in, he gets mad, throws things, yells at people or slams doors.....but he does not just cry! As his mom my heart had been ripped from my chest and thrown against a wall, trampled by elephants and then beaten by a bat for good measure! I relived the night my dad passed away in my mind and the look on Prince Sevens face when he looked at me and asked "why?" and he started to sobbed. He sobbed 5 yrs ago and hadn't since......until now.
My heart is heavy and I feel as if I can't breathe.....so why should I, how can I.....just breathe?
His Grandma has not pass as of yet but they believe it is going to happen soon...as in a few days. We will try to get up to see here this Friday. I let Prince Seven choose if he want to go or not...he choose Friday. It will be hard to know that we are saying good bye. I am not sure he fully understands that is what we are doing. This pain is not over. It will linger until it is all over and she is out of pain. My heart is aching again for her.
I hope she knows that I have always loved her no matter that I am not married to her son. She always called me her daughter even after we were divorced. She loved me and respected me, not just because of her Grandson but because she loved me too. She made him feel safe and like someone cared last year when we were dealing with certain things. How do you make sure someone knows they were...are... loved so very much at this point in time?
How do you just breathe?
The rush of the day, the whirlwind you call your life seems to just fly by everyday. No time to think or sort through the good versus the bad. And to top it all off something like this! And suddenly the world around you comes to a screeching halt! It feels like someone stop in the car in front of you and you slam on the breaks! Your heart races, you feel like things suddenly jumped into perspective and you feel like you can't breathe! I know from my life and of the things I have been made to deal with that learning to just breathe is easier said then done.
In just two days time tragedy has stuck this nation twice.....yet with the business of life these tragedies didn't seem to faze some people. They have fazed me. The shootings that happened last year...didn't faze some...they fazed me. My family means the world to me and I pray every night that I might be here tomorrow to be with them. So I set this challenge to all of you that are maybe reading this:
Take a minute reflect on what is important to you.
Take another minute and reflect on who is important to you.
Make sure that the ones you love know that they are loved.
Make the little things in life the big things because really they maybe gone tomorrow.
And if you reflect on all this and need to make a change to make this all happen....then
remember some days you just have to learn to take a minute and........
JUST BREATHE!
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| Beauty is best seen in the everyday drive of life! |
