My dream life

  Someone once asked me what would I do with a million dollars? Where would you spend it? What would you spend it on or who? That my friends is a very good question. What would you all do? I myself would spend it the only way possible in my eyes......on my family! They are what is important to me...and making sure they have what they need is the only answer I have. This person said "that's all fine and good but really what is the dream life you would have for you and your family then?" Hmmmm my dream life....that is a good question.....and I have a great answer.

  8 years ago on September 24th, 2005 I made a life altering decision. One that people disregard as not important enough to hold on to in times of hardship. But I took it head on and 8 years later I still cherish my choice. My dream life started this day.

Happy 8 year Anniversary

    My family started 15 years ago. He is difficult and has a heart of gold all in the same body.
 

He hates this picture!

    Just two short years into my dream life we welcomed our 1st child. He was wanted so very badly and he almost wasn't here at all. He is sweet, kind and loving.......and oh so a perfectionist!

Such a doll face!

   Almost two years after that this one was born. Who would have thought he would have little horns hiding behind that smile.

Such a goof!

   And almost two years after that I felt a huge blow to our family. Something that has always left a hole a spot of emptiness. Not a day goes by I don't think about it or have a thought of I wish he could see this. I didn't know if this blow would tear our family apart or where our lives would go after it all happened. But it was just another chapter in our book another road on our journey together. He is missed.

Forever in our hearts

   So fast forward almost two more years.....some how I think me must like two's.... and my heart didn't hurt as much. He is full of life, spit fire and is the sweetest flirt you will ever meet.
                                                                              

Oh yeah he's cool!

   When asked as a little girl what I wanted to be when I grow up I would have said "a Mommy". That was my dream then and it still is today. Being a mom isn't all glamor or glitz. You don't get paid big bucks for it. It maybe messy and ugly at times but these.....these right here is why I do it.
                                                                                   

My Princes

   I fight dragons, demons and things the go bump in the night for them. I make choices everyday for them. I give as much as I can of me without overloading my heart for them. These are my dream. My family and my life are my dream.

   You can have dreams of grandeur and fancy things. You can have everything your heart desires if you please. But what is your dream? Do you have one? Is it beyond what you can have a "dream dream"? Or do you live your dream everyday? Is your dream life your everyday life? If it's not why not?

What day is it?

  What day is it? No really I need to know because somehow April (my last post date) turned into September! Hmmmm I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that I have 4 boys and I have completely lost my mind! No but really I am looking back and some how Spring and Summer are lost among running errands, husbands falling off ladders at work (yes I am serious about that one), Trips to Oregon, running a teenager to visit his dad, and may other parent like things that had to be done. All the while feeling like we had not a real summer vacation to speak of. I have been looking back at the pictures from April until now and the fact that my boys have changed in so many ways is a little scary to think about. I am proud of them all and a little overwhelmed by them at times.

  So for me what day is it?

  Can you believe that this child right here is almost 6 foot? Well believe it! 5ft 11inch to be exact.

Prince Seven

  On this day we were heading to go school shopping but needed some "fuel" to start our adventure. Now I say adventure because shopping with Prince Seven is every.......well........hard. At least it use to be. This shopping trip I was completely taking by surprise! I mean jaw on the floor surprise. No fighting tooth and nail (like last year) to try on "gym" shoes, no that's stupid or ugly or I won't wear that blah blah blah. Until we hit "The Mart".....he was fading, I saw the crash coming, he was so over shopping and then it came...the refusal to look at anything else clothing related or school related. Awe it was grand while it lasted! I have to admit though he has grown and matured in so many ways I am amazed and proud. He will be 15 in just a few weeks time.

  So really what day is it?

  The one who came into the world and almost gave his momma a heart attack at the same time!

Prince Linus

   And he will continue to do so for the rest off his life. Given we have yet to visit the ER but I did say yet!
He will be 6 in October. Can you believe that? Oh and he is a lefty to boot, very shy and super sensitive. So sensitive in fact that after I spent the day with Prince Seven Prince Linus said to me "what about my special day with you? You promised I could have one too!" and ran off to his room. See the thing was that I didn't have a "special day" with Prince Seven I took him school shopping not some place fun. But I had promised so I decided to deliver on my promise. We had a "special day", we had pizza, went to the toy store and had frozen yogurt. He said "it wasn't a long enough special day and we need to have a longer one next time!"

  So what day is it?

  The one with horns hiding behind that angel face!

Prince Pig Pen

  Yes I said horns. Don't get me wrong on this one as I love him to pieces but I am telling you there are horns. And yet there are smiles (with horns in there), giggles and lots and lots of snuggles. He is bold, loud and has crazy mad professor hair first thing in the morning. Can you believe he just turned 4?

  So what day is it?

  And then there is this one. He seems to think he is the baby or something!

Prince Little Bit

    Oh yes he is the baby and he is fully aware of this. He is also to smart for his own good. He knows the fridge has food to eat, he knows he is not suppose to be playing with certain things and runs away laughing once he is caught, you can even see him thinking about what he is about to do and see him planning out he escape route! Oh yes he is the baby and he is very good at it too. Can you believe he is already 16 months old?

 So what day is it?

  It is a day in the life of me. My day......everyday....yesterday....and even tomorrow. Everyday is the same but also very different. Is my day normal? I am 100% sure it is not normal by normal standards. Take for example 2 seconds ago.....Prince Little Bit was eating markers while his brothers yelled at me from the other room and were watching him do it. Some how he managed to sneak past me and get these markers and "hide" with them. I certainly hope they are non toxic like they say they are! And yet he is smiling at me like nothing ever happened! So what day is it? Not sure.......but I am praying tomorrow is not as "fun".

Just breathe!

   It is a simple thing really we do it everyday. In and out, in and out again.....no one really ever forgets to breathe. So what does it really mean? In my life I learned that this small simple saying was far easier said then done. Everyday we wake up and start the rush of the day. My schedule looks like this everyday:

6-6:30am:  Drag my tired fanny out of bed because I was up 3 times cause Prince Little Bit woke up again.
6:30-6:45: Try as hard as ever to drink a cup of coffee and wake up!
6:45-7am: Wake the teenager beast...Prince Seven is not a morning person.
7-7:05 (sometimes longer): Yell at the teenager to hurry up or we will miss the bus!
7:05-7:13: Drive like crazy (safely though) to make the bus and pray the whole way he makes it so you don't have to drive him to school 20 minutes down the hill!
7:13-7:25: Visit briefly with 2 moms I know and then drive like mad (safely) back to the house so my hubby can get to work by 7:30.
7:30-7:45: Finish helping Prince Linus get ready for school. Shuffle Prince Pigpen and Prince Little Bit to my Mom's.
7:45-7:50: Run Prince Linus to school and head back home for the little boys.
8-12ish: From here the day varies you know I hear I 'm hungry can I have a snack? I'm thirsty can I have a drink? I want lunch (at 8am in the morning). Can I watch a movie now? But if I am really really lucky Prince Little Bit takes a long long morning nap....but only if a Prince Pigpen is very very quiet....and that is rare!
12-12:20: (depending on if it is a Wed. or not) Run get Prince Linus from school and pray I am not late as he thinks I forgot him if I am. Then back to the house for a few hours.
3:20-3:45: Get Prince Seven from the bus stop and 99% of the time give his friends a ride home.


   So you see most days I feel very overwhelmed and I haven't even added in all the things that may hit through out the day unexpectedly. By bedtime I feel lost, tired, drain and just plain ole like I can't catch my breath. And this week has been no different in my routine until yesterday. Life is so unfair......pain comes in many forms but the pain of a child whom is losing someone extremely close to them is a pain like no other. And being a parent and having to tell their child this news is the hardest thing you may do.

I see more in the every now than I did before.

   Almost 5 years ago our family lost my Dad. Prince Seven was only 10 years old at the time. He didn't quite understand all that was happening except that his most favorite person in the world was dying. He will never be the same and his fear of losing the ones he loves most grew. Tuesday afternoon I had to tell him his Grandma (his dad's mom) was dying. She has been the one to help us through so much. He spent 3 weeks of his summer last year with her.....he has been asking for a few weeks now when he could visit her again. No one told us how bad it really was until Tuesday....how sick she really was. And I had to tell him....I didn't want to, my heart was hurting...I knew what was coming...but I had to tell him. So I did at 3:45 on Tuesday afternoon, he got in the car and this is what was said:
Prince Seven: So what do you need to talk to me about? Am I in trouble or something?
Me: No your not in trouble but I have something very important to tell you. (my voice was shaky I couldn't control it)
Prince Seven: What's the matter? Is Grandma R dead?
Me: Ummmm no.....but.....(I couldn't control my voice or the tears that started to fall)....I got a call today from your Aunt and then one from your dad and Grandma is very very ill.
Prince Seven: So? She is sick so what? 
Me: (the tears still came and my voice was so sad) She's not just a little sick son.....it is really really bad....the doctors say she's dying. (What came next just broke my heart)

   He punched the car window...he was mad...ok...I knew that was coming...but then he turn away like he was looking out the window and then I heard the sobbing....he sobbed all the way home! I didn't see that coming. Prince Seven is not one to cry he holds his feelings in, he gets mad, throws things, yells at people or slams doors.....but he does not just cry! As his mom my heart had been ripped from my chest and thrown against a wall, trampled by elephants and then beaten by a bat for good measure! I relived the night my dad passed away in my mind and the look on Prince Sevens face when he looked at me and asked "why?" and he started to sobbed. He sobbed 5 yrs ago and hadn't since......until now.

   My heart is heavy and I feel as if I can't breathe.....so why should I, how can I.....just breathe?
His Grandma has not pass as of yet but they believe it is going to happen soon...as in a few days. We will try to get up to see here this Friday. I let Prince Seven choose if he want to go or not...he choose Friday. It will be hard to know that we are saying good bye. I am not sure he fully understands that is what we are doing. This pain is not over. It will linger until it is all over and she is out of pain. My heart is aching again for her.
I hope she knows that I have always loved her no matter that I am not married to her son. She always called me her daughter even after we were divorced. She loved me and respected me, not just because of her Grandson but because she loved me too. She made him feel safe and like someone cared last year when we were dealing with certain things. How do you make sure someone knows they were...are... loved so very much at this point in time?

How do you just breathe?

   The rush of the day, the whirlwind you call your life seems to just fly by everyday. No time to think or sort through the good versus the bad. And to top it all off something like this! And suddenly the world around you comes to a screeching halt! It feels like someone stop in the car in front of you and you slam on the breaks! Your heart races, you feel like things suddenly jumped into perspective and you feel like you can't breathe! I know from my life and of the things I have been made to deal with that learning to just breathe is easier said then done.

   In just two days time tragedy has stuck this nation twice.....yet with the business of life these tragedies didn't seem to faze some people. They have fazed me. The shootings that happened last year...didn't faze some...they fazed me. My family means the world to me and I pray every night that I might be here tomorrow to be with them. So I set this challenge to all of you that are maybe reading this:
Take a minute reflect on what is important to you.
Take another minute and reflect on who is important to you.
Make sure that the ones you love know that they are loved.
Make the little things in life the big things because really they maybe gone tomorrow.
And if you reflect on all this and need to make a change to make this all happen....then
remember some days you just have to learn to take a minute and........
                                                            JUST BREATHE!

Beauty is best seen in the everyday drive of life!

Change is good!

Wow here it is 2013 and my promise of posting more seems to have been a lie! Or more like life got in the way. Time has certainly flew by.....much to fast if you ask me. But I am still here for those of you who still want to follow the little things in life.
I have been thinking things need to change. Lots of things, little things, big things and whatever things. Today
though I thought I would change some names in my blog. My princes all have nicknames given by us in jest and some give by ones we miss. So I thought I would change there blog names.....right now they are number Princes 1-5 but from here on out they will be these:
Prince Seven......he is just 14. My dad use to call him ole' number 7. He was his 7th grandchild....I find it fitting for him to carry this name from now on.
Prince Linus.......he is just 5. I have told you all once before how he was given this one. Him and that blue blanket.
Prince Pigpen....he is just 3. I have told you all this one as well. Dirt loves Pigpen and finds him anywhere.
Prince Evan.......he is not here. Evan is not a nickname it is his but I feel it should be said. He was to be with me.
Prince Little Bit....he is just a babe. Grandma gave him this name. Next to his brothers he is just a little thing but full of it.
So what do you think? I think it is grand, it is fitting and fun. I have lot of stories to tell of our adventures in this kingdom of princes......but for now I will not tell.......until another day!