Through My Eyes

Have you ever wondered why if feels as if the world sometimes revolves around you? I know it really doesn't but humor me a minute. I'll be honest I have felt that way.....a lot! Everyday I wake up and I SEE the world and everything around me through MY eyes! I think with MY mind and I feel with MY heart! I don't do it in someone elses body....do you???
Most days you get up and roll through the motions of the day. But there are days that MY mind looks at something and wonders...."why do I look at something that way?" Sometimes watching my Princes I wonder what things look like to them through their eyes. Or sometimes I wonder if I am the only one that sees beauty in the ordinary. My Knight and I made a break from the everyday norm of our lives with the Princes a few weekends ago. Because for the past few months I have been dealing with something and someone that was killing me inside up until recently. I was told that dealing with this person had brought up feelings of anger, resentment and abandonment. So for the past few months the world did revolve around ME, MY feelings and MY thoughts. Funny thing is I thought I had fought those demons a long time ago.....but I guess I just buried them instead. So I began to think about why it feels like the world revolves around me. I know what I see and how I feel about things....and I know that the people around me see what they see and feel what they feel through there own eyes. It is kinda of a eerie feeling when you think about it. Then I began to think about all the memories someone has and how each one is different from different people..you know like a memory of a grandparent and how each grandchild has a memory of them.....even when they are about the same memory. All these things I began to wonder as we drove down to Santa Cruz for the start of our weekend away. Crazy I know right weekend away with the hubby and I am thinking weird stuff! I probably need help....Nah! I thought and wondered as we drove as the scenery changed. As we drove through the city and onto Hwy 17 and headed toward Santa Cruz the city stopped and the trees began. I can't really explain how it felt to go from a city to a forest (sorta)....because it wasn't a type of forest I was use to. But as we drove through this stretch of highway and the trees changed I began to see home and I began to realize that I have known this beauty all my life and I never knew it! I guess once you have lived in one place long enough it doesn't seems new and beautiful. All the thoughts and worries of what I had been dealing with no longer seemed to plague my mind and weight down my heart. I didn't take a picture of this beautiful drive we were driving and snapping pictures as we drove would have not been a beautiful sight. But I thought I would share our trip through MY eyes....or camera which ever you prefer!
Our first stop after our long drive down was to Natural Bridges State Beach. It was beautiful....breath taking....and just awesome! The first part we did was the Butterfly Trail. I LOVE butterflies!

Monarch Butterfly

There were several hundred up resting in the trees!

Once we watched these beautiful insects for a while we trekked back up the trail to the beach. There were lots of people on the beach. I had kinda wished that there had been less....so you could really enjoy the quiet breath taking view. Now this beach so got it's name because of the giant rock that has been left to stand in the ocean as what looks like it's all by it's self...but it is not I just could not get a beautiful shot of the other bridge that jets out from shore just to the left of this one. To many people!!

See breath taking!

This is why it is called Natural Bridges Beach

After this we just drove up Hwy 1 to Half Moon Bay. It was a wonderful drive.....calm and beautiful. I kept dreaming of a beach house somewhere and living in it and waking every morning to a beautiful view of the beach. Sitting on the porch with my morning cup of coffee with creamer! Watching the waves and listening to the sounds of everything around me. Or even watching my Princes play on the beach and enjoying the screams of laughter! Even now as I write I can envision this beach house and beach.
Any who.....as we drove I daydreamed. Once through Half Moon Bay we turned onto Hwy 92. Now as we drove up the coast and on to the 92 we saw lots and lots of these.

The 4th or 5th Pumpkin patch.

 This one was taken the first stretch of Hwy 92. And we saw about a dozen total from Santa Cruz up and on the 92. And probably 6 or more just on the 92 alone! We also saw some of these.....

Yep that's right Dinosaurs by the Bay!

Seriously do you see this everyday?

 Once past all the Pumpkin patches and Dino's the drive was quite pretty. The landscape began to change and the trees lined the road side. If I could have stopped I would have and just breathed in the wonderful calm and beauty of it all. After driving on the 92 we headed for our hotel. Checked in and found a place for dinner. Then back to our room for a goodnight sleep.
Sunday morning came a little to early for me! But we rolled out of bed and packed up and head to our next days adventure. We head up to Pier 39 in San Francisco. And it just so happened to be Fleet Week! There were people everywhere! Once we found parking and walked to the Pier we were ready for some lunch. We ate at the Wipe Out Bar and Grill. Not to bad.....but I have had better. After we walked the Pier...stopped in shops etc.

Sea Lions

San Francisco view from the Pier.

He posed for me.

Alcatraz 

All the boats

Magic Show

The Carousal

View from the second floor...see a LOT of people!

Driving home

 Now that we have been some place new to us....I am so planning another trip! Just next time more stops and more pictures. So you may all be wondering why I started this post about the way I see things? Well look back at my last pictures......nothing special right? Just our car driving on the bridge right? Simple, unimportant right? Yeah maybe to you....but to me? This was what I saw through MY eyes.....this was the drive home....the drive back to reality......to MY life...to MY world. What do you feel from this picture? Nothing? Maybe to you......but to me? I feel love, joy and thankfulness. How could I feel that from this picture you may ask? Look and this picture again.....I am sitting in the passenger seat right?  Well I am sitting next to MY love, MY joy and MY thankfulness! See I don't look at the world and just wander through it mundanely everyday...maybe once in awhile but not everyday. See to me the things I see and feel are not the same as other people.....or maybe they are and just don't know it. The last few months have made me become more aware that our lives shouldn't be mundane. And a conversation with a friend of mine who is separated right now made me realize not to be so critical of others and to make sure and take the time to tell those important to you that you love them. So you see the world does in a sense revolve around you.....but only because it is your world......the way YOU see and feel it everyday!

 

JUST SAYING!

 Now I am warning you all I am not talking about you all being important.....you know like being SOMEBODY!!! So don't be thinking that!

Once a year you take a walk down down Memory Lane!

Once a year you take a walk down Memory Lane. For some this walk is everyday, week, month, or a year. Today for me it is a year. I walk down this lane several times a year. If I were to count how many I would be at 6 times a year. But that is per year....most days I walk it everyday sometimes every minute. Why would you walk down it everyday you may ask? What point is there to do it? And why would you subject yourself to that walk on some of the rockiest parts of that lane?  Hmmmmm........but WHY NOT! Memories are a story of your life and they hold important keys to who we are as humans. They have a beginning and an end. And sometimes they intertwine with each other to make better ones.
Most days my stories are alive everyday and I watch them play and grow. My stories are sometimes sad and sometimes happy......sometimes short and sometimes long. But every one of my stories that I have had in my life (35 years now) have made me blossom into who I am. Have I done things I regret? YES. Have people been in my life that shouldn't have been? YES. But do I let regret rule my life? NO. Why not you may ask?
Regret is a feeling that comes sneaking in and if you let it rule you...you let it win. It steals your happiness and makes you feel worthless. So I have chosen to to raise above regret......and instead learn from the "BAD" choices I have made in my life. And since I have decided to learn from them I have gained that happiness and a life that I will never regret or take for granted.
So today I have been very thankful for the life that I have and all because I am happy. And that happiness came to me 7 years ago (Sept. 24th, 2005) when I met the man I was suppose to marry! And hence he gave me more happiness when we were blessed with a little boy 5 years ago today. So for today I will share my walk down Memory Lane with you all. Prince#2 will always be one of my little boys.

Waiting for him to come!

So very sick!

Spent his first week in NICU!

No more tubes!

2 weeks old

4 weeks old

One of my fave of him and daddy.

Love that smile!

Such a ham!

He is handsome.

Fave day ever for him!

So excited about the beach!

Legoland reward for being a "big boy"

1st day of Kindergarten

 He came into this world a fighter and he is now the biggest lover too. He is 5 and I am his Mom. He was wanted and we almost lost him. He is quiet until he wants to be heard. He is tenderhearted and that will never change. He is my baby boy and he is 5. I love you my Prince#2....forever and always!

As the leaves fall!!!

Strange to look back and see that the year that seemed to be just beginning is now almost just ending! So many wonderful things have come and gone in this year. And yet here I sit and think "WAIT ONE SECOND WHERE DID THIS YEAR GO?" It seems just like yesterday I welcomed Prince#5 in to my life and Summer just started. But here it is the first of October the start of fall. I guess instead of blabbing about what happened to our summer I could just recap some of it for you or just keep blabbing? Nah I will just recap for ya'll! I think I left off at the 8th grade graduation.
We had a Graduation for Prince#1 at the end of May. Then in June we had a fun Graduation party for him and a few of our other friends. There were 4 graduates in all, 2 for 8th grade and 2 for High School. Crazy how fast these kids grow up.

Yummy Cake!

 Then as summer went on we had fun in the yard and some days we packed up and went to the lake. We are privileged to have a small lake just down the road. The boys love the water and this year Prince#3 was more into "swimming" than he was before.

Fun at the lake with Auntie!

 And of course no summer is complete without a trip to the zoo! Prince#3 had been begging since the first trip to San Diego Zoo to go back to the zoo....but we told him we had to wait until his little brother got here. So of course what was the first thing to come out of his mouth the very morning they came to see Prince#5 in the hospital? Oh yeah that's right "Can we go to the zoo now?!" Well we had to tell him we had to wait a little bit longer just until Prince#5 was a little bit bigger.......so we took him to the Sacramento Zoo when little brother got a little bigger!

Fun at the zoo!

 The summer seemed to fly by and pretty soon the threat of school began to approach! We wanted to go to the Beach again but it just didn't seem to be in the picture this year. So we decided to try something different. Now I am not nor have I ever been a CAMPER! But this year I sucked it up and decided for my Princes I would do what I hated most.....CAMP! And boy am I glad I did! The boys had the best time (expect for Prince#1 but that is only if you ask him)!

Going on an adventure hike!

See the future Movie Maker! He loves to make movies with his friends and I told him to make a movie about our first camping trip. Well he said he would rather make it into a horror movie! The kid is such a character. He has yet to make this "horror movie" as his computer is....well dead! He will have to wait until it is functional once again.
Everyone enjoyed their new adventure in camping. So much so Prince#3 has done nothing but talk about going camping again with his favorite person in the world......my cousin! She is the best with kids and they love her to death!

Helping set up the tent!

So summer came and summer went. And the new school year came. SIGH.....I was not ready for it...I protested in fact! But it came anyway despite what I wanted! So I prepared to send my oldest one to high school and and my second oldest one to Kindergarten. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BABIES?!

Prince#2 1st day of Kindergarten!

 Prince#2 was so very ready and so very excited. He loves school so much so he cried one day he had to stay home sick! Now Prince#1 was not so excited about school. He has been home schooled for a few years and was a little scared to go back. He wasn't sure he would have anyone he would know to hang out with. But the first day was freshman orientation and as he got off the bus that day he was followed by a tall young teenage boy that reminded me of one of his other friends. As he approached the car he said "Mom do you remember Alex?" And I did. He was a lot shorter in 5th grade but he and Prince#1 were the best of friends in school. And of course 95% of the kids he knew in 5th grade are now freshmen with him.....so he is doing just fine.

So here we are the first of October the first of fall....sigh.....I have recounted our summer of fun. But now I sit and think of the fact that my princes yet again are growing to fast for me. Prince#1 has turned 14! Yes I said 14. I cried that day.....I was sad but only because I will always remember that little face of my 1st born prince. He is becoming a young man but he will always be my baby boy!

Where is that little boy?

Prince#3 is no different in that he turned 3 in July. He is my Prince of Tales and he should be dubbed "Gabby"! He talks until your head hurts......and what is more the kid has logic like crazy! The tales he tells are crazy yes but when you try to reason then out he does it for you!

I see the wheels a turning in his head!

September seemed to be a super busy and crazy month for my family. So busy in fact that we didn't get to really celebrate our 7 year Anniversary! Oh we did dinner and some shopping....but we haven't been anywhere special for our Anniversary in about 6 years I do believe! But there was so much going on that we decided to postpone it. We hope to take a drive down the coast from Half Moon Bay to Santa Cruz. We have lived in California our wholes lives and there are many things we have yet to do or try. So we would like to make a memory of this for ourselves!

And so again here we are back in October and the season called fall. October does hold a very special day. October 2nd...5 years ago.....a little boy was welcomed into our family. He was very sick and almost died. He is a very special little boy. Prince#2 will always be special in my heart. Now I am not saying I have a favorite child because all my boys are my favorite in different ways. But Prince#2 was very much wanted and it took over a year for him to come to us. And of course for us to almost lose him well that was not fun. So tomorrow my special little boy will be 5 years old. I will most likely cry a little bit.....but HEY I am entitled I am his mother!!

He is such a little man!

And of course how can I post all about Summer fun, Family fun and all the Princes and them growing up without a post about Prince#5! Prince#5 has been our biggest blessing yet.....I watch him grow and of course he has the best smile ever! I look at him and I am reminded of what could have been had we not lost Prince#4.....but I don't regret what I can not change. I have come to realize that I can grieve and love all in the same heart. I can dream and live in reality. And I believe that Prince#4 wasn't ready to be part of our family.......and that Prince#5 was! He brings light to my darkness and happiness to my sadness. He was my savior from myself........He will always be my band aid to the open wound that will never truly close in my life. I will always love and miss my Prince#4 but I am thankful for Prince#5!

Prince#5 4months old

Don't tell me that smile isn't the best medicine ever!!

Where does the time go?

  Wow....I can not believe where the year has gone! So many things have happened...the good, the bad, the crazy and insane! We had no real Winter or snow to speak of.....no real Spring either! But May finally came and went....and we welcomed Prince#5 into our lives. June came and went as well and Prince#1 graduated 8th grade! And so here we are sitting in the middle of July......and just weeks away from school starting back up! Whatever happened to our Summers? Our real summers...the ones where the kids got out the 1st of June and didn't go back until September 1st! Those were the best Summers.....the longer the better. I am not ready to send Prince#1 to High School or send my little Prince#2 to Kindergarten! My babies are growing up and I want it to stop!!! SIGH....but I know I can not stop it from happening.
  The last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster of emotions for me! After having Prince#5 I have been thinking a lot about Prince#4....I miss him and wish he was here with all of us...I look at prince#5 and wonder if he would have looked like him or had his smile, his nose or his eyes. I try not to think about him but he is always there! And I do believe that just a few weeks ago when I closed the "baby factory" for good is what has brought on this tidal wave of emotions! So for the last few weeks everyday has been a struggle for me to hold it together. And as prince#5 grows and changes I feel just a little more sad that my babies are growing up so fast!

Prince#1 a long time ago

Prince#1 he is becoming a young man

 
  Prince#1 is growing up to be a young man. He has a long way to go as he is still young in some respects to his age..he will be 14 this Sept. but only in a number. He will come into his own when he is ready and not by force. "Some people" think they can make him grow up...but those people know nothing about parenting a child.....especially a child like prince#1!

Prince#2 in the NICU

Prince#2 the one who almost gave me heart failure!!

  Prince#2 is going to be 5 this October....can it be...can he really be 5? It seems just like yesterday I brought him home from the NICU! I have held on to him so tight after almost losing him and have a hard time let him go! I still worry the most about him....we both do!

Prince#3 so sweet once

Prince#3 can you see his little horns behind that smile!

  Now Prince#3 has been one of those children that surprises you around every corner! At fist we thought he was going to be the quiet one....the one to stand back and watch take it all in and be scared of everything! Well we were dead wrong on half of all that! We make the statement that you can just see his little horns behind that smile because well....he can be such a little devil! Not in a bad way but just not a good one either! Example: Prince#2 can be playing just fine all by himself when out of no where you hear screaming and crying coming from prince#2 and them him yelling for you because prince#3 has just walked into the room and pulled his brothers hair for no reason and ran off to hide!! And prince#3 knows he is in trouble when you call him in to ask him why.....because he walks in with his head hung down and a frown on his face. You ask him why did you do that and he will say "because Jackson won't play with me!" Did you ask Jackson if he would play with you? "NO"......Really kid! And there are days that he does these devilish things for no reason...or as he told his Nana one day "because it is fun!" We hope that prince#5 does not have prince#3's BIG personality........we just don't think there's room for another one like him!

Prince#5 1 day old

Prince#5 look at that smile..8 weeks old  growing too fast!

  Prince#5 well what can I say about him he is only 10 weeks old....but so full of personality! Nothing like prince#3 at least not yet! His brothers love him......one (prince#3) a little to much maybe.....and it has taken prince#1 (10weeks almost) to come around and love on him! I think the smile prince#5 gave his big brother melted the ice wall his brother put towards him. And he is being a good helper....which really surprised me! But I am very glad to see that prince#1 is slowly starting to listen to the things I am try to tell him. And of course prince#2 has been my biggest helper yet....even if it is a little to helpful!
  See my boys are growing up to fast...as much as I want them to grow and see there personalities develop...I don't want them to get any bigger! I guess I am selfish in a way. But my boys have brought me so much joy. And every time one of them has entered into my life I have loved them just a much as the one before....we always wonder how that is possible....how we can love so many little boys (and girls if you have them) as much as the next one! Our hearts have so much to give our babies. And yet my heart has just a little bit more to give.....but I am saving that for someone special and I know I will see him again one day and I will give him his piece of my heart!

Prince#4 (my Evan Daniel) always remembered and always loved!