Memories and Special People

    The last few weeks have been one of exhaustion and joy! Prince#5 is very much a big deal in our house and he makes sure you know he is here. We love him very much most of the time....there is the exception of the 12-4am "night owl" status he has been portraying. But Daddy seems to be on top of that and let's Mommy sleep a little bit in that time frame! The other Princes are totally in love with him especially Prince#2 and Prince#3...they are the best big brother helpers ever (maybe to helpful). Prince#1 still acts like he don't care but I still catch him every so often talking to him in that I am a big brother and I really do love you kinda of way (he'll hate me for saying that).
    But the biggest thing as of late is the memories I carry.....they seem to haunt me like a smell you can't quite figure out where it is coming from. For the last few weeks now my memories of my babies have flooded my heart and mind. My babies are not babies anymore...Prince#1 is moving on to High School....yes High School.....Mom is so not ready for this.

Prince#1 Graduating 8th Grade

     Prince#2 is going to be starting kindergarten....he is ready.....but Mom is not. He is the one I want to protect the most from almost everything......and he is the one we both worry about the most. But that is what happens when you have him scare you to death right out of the gate on the day he is born.

Prince#2 Special Kindergarten Day

    Prince#3 still amazes me everyday......he reminds me of my dad more and more. Even my Uncle Glen says "that is my brother right there"! His logic is amazing and the fact that he isn't even 3 yet and can tell you exactly how something happened every single time he tells it.....so totally my dad!

Prince#3 That smile says it all!

   I am sitting here wondering what exactly to say next...only because the next Prince I only have memories of that weren't so fond...and I have no funny stories of him or cute pictures of him as he grew up. So I sit here and tears flow for the things I miss about what he should be or who he would have been. I look at Prince#5 and wonder how much Prince#4 would have looked like him or is brothers. Has the last few weeks with Prince#5 here made me miss my Prince#4 and wish I could change things at times? Yes it does.....do I know that there is nothing I can do but remember or dream about Prince#4? Yes...Would I change anything right now? I don't know if I would.....see Prince#4 was to be our last little one....would I change the fact that he is not here with us today? If I did and could then I wouldn't have Prince#5.....so you see how can I make that choice? One Prince over another.....as a Mom know one can make me choose that.  Now ask me to choose both and I would in a heart beat!

   Prince#5 what can I say about this newest prince other than he is wonderful....he is such a good baby.

Handsome little man!

   So as I sit and reminisce about my Princes and how they came into this world.....I remember some very special people who with out them Prince#2 might not be here and my losing Prince#4 would have been a lot more painful emotionally then is was. These special ladies have been there through so many things with my Princes and their entrance into my life. And I had the privilege of having every one of them at sometime  though my pregnancy with Prince#5. There were my days with my NST's (non stress tests) that I had at least one of these ladies that was there for Prince#2's birth and I even had the one nurse that helped me through Prince#4's birth. I even have some new special ladies that did NST's with me and that were my nurses through Prince#5's birth. And the 3rd day after Prince#5 was born I had the best surprise of all.....all but 2 of those special nurses that I have had the privilege of knowing were working the labor and delivery floor that morning! And each one of them came in to see our special little man. They all knew the story of Prince#2 and the day he was born....they all knew the story of Prince#4 and the day he was born....and they even heard me tell of Prince#3's surgery at 11 months old....so they all had to come and see our special little miracle that they had been watching over for the weeks leading up to his arrival! And for weeks and even years now I have been trying to figure out how to thank each and everyone of those wonderful, precious, special ladies from labor and delivery...but I am still not sure even now how to do that. But maybe with words they will know how much they all mean to me. So here goes:
         To the Labor and Delivery Nurses.........your job is one of joy, pain and sorrow......90% more joy than the others. My heart will always have a special place for each and everyone of you in it. Without you ladies my life would be different.......but because of you it is different too! Your hearts bring love and understanding to the mothers you help through this wonderful time in there lives....and sometimes the not so wonderful. I have experienced both in my life time and I am thankful to all of you for the love, support and understanding in both those experience's. Always carry that compassion for your job......and know that even though you may not always hear how grateful we mothers are for the job that you do.....we are forever grateful for all you! Especially me! Thank You all for being a part of my life memories and being apart of my heart always!
    Some of you may wonder what exactly brought on this jog down memory lane. Is it that my princes are growing up? Or maybe it is Mom coming down off all those pregnancy hormones? It must be from lack of sleep? Maybe a little bit of all of these....but not quite all of why I decided to take this stroll that brought tears. All this whining and writing is just another part of the adventure in our life.....but it is a chapter that is closing for good in a few weeks. My heart is heavy with the thought of Prince#5 being the absolute last child in our lives. So I sit with a bitter sweet taste in my heart.....do I want to be pregnant again? NO THANK YOU (do not enjoy that part)...Do I want to experience labor again? NO THANK YOU (do not enjoy part either).....Would I love more kids if money and other things were not a issue in this day and age? YES YES YES I would........but they are and so we are closing the door on this chapter of our adventure together. So my heart is heavy and sad......and so this is the reason for this post today!