A brand new surprise!!

This month has been full to say the least! My oldest turn 13...I celebrated 6 years of marriage! And now a new chapter in our lives will begin....well actually it already has I have just been keeping a big ole' secret for a few weeks now! But today I will blog about this new chapter and post a pic even! To all of my wonderful friends and family that follow my boring blog here goes..................I am pregnant!
Yes I know some of you may be on my doorstep in the next few minutes and turn me over your knee but really this was not in our plan. But I guess someone else had other plans for us! Today was the 1st ultra sound of our little bean growing inside of me....I saw the heartbeat and I was reassured that there is only one....but in a moment I looked at this baby on the screen and thought to myself "oh good there is a heartbeat....but then again Evan had a heartbeat and was ok until 23 weeks....please let this baby be ok"...I know I was so happy to see that baby and yet so scared....crazy right? Maybe...maybe not....I guess those fears and my fears will only go away once this little one is in my arms and safe with me. So here is the picture I have of our little bean.

Our news addition hopefully due May 10th 2012

Everyone I know has said "well hopefully it is a girl this time" or "I bet you really want a girl now".......to everyone I know....yes a little girl would be very much welcome in this family.....but to be perfectly honest I will want what ever I have been giving. Having had my baby taken from my life has made me realize that gender does not matter. If I am giving another loud , rowdy, sweet, dirty little boy then I will take him and love him and hold him and never let him go. So for all those that what one gender over another for whatever reason......please don't let that take away from the preciousness of life it's self.

6 years ago!

On this day 6 years ago I was honored to marry a man....a wonderful man! He is my knight and shinning armour....my prince charming.....my true love! I think back and remember that I was not looking for him...I had decided to stop trying to find love since it never wanted to find me! I was determined to raise my son and be happy with the things I had....not on the things I wanted! You know the old saying "when you least expect it it will happen"....well it did and I was not looking for it!
I have told myself many times I am thankful certain people decided to leave my life years before.....as much as it hurt then I am better for it now. There was no real love in that life before....they showed that the day they left and said "I don't think I ever loved you"! You feel like your whole life and family was a lie.....but through the years of hurt and anger I learned that he wasn't really the one and I didn't really love him...I was in love with the idea of being in love...and you can't build a life on that! So I am thankful he left us.....because I got something a million times better!
I still can not believe that 6 six years have come and gone and I love him even more than I did in the beginning! Everyday I miss him while at work....I love being with him almost every second of the day! I believe that our marriage is perfect....yes we are not perfect and no ones marriage is really perfect but it is perfect to me...and that is what matters most. In 6 years of marriage we have endured more then most couples and yet our marriage is still strong! We had endured not getting pregnant for over a year, we endure our first born almost dieing, we have endure deaths in both our families, endured our second child having surgery and last we endured the death of our unborn baby boy! Out of all those the last one could of broke this family and us but it didn't...it strengthened our family, our love our bond! I am truly blessed to have this man in my life and would never change it! I love you honey.........Happy Anniversary!!

Happily Ever After!

He is 13!

13 years ago today I welcomed the 1st born in to my life. It was not what I had imagined by any means....it was scary, painful and just not fun!! But he came into my life anyway at 3:45 am Sept 20th 1998! 8lbs 3oz 20 inches long........and I was done having kids! I remember very vividly saying "Dear god never again"! Well as we all know that was in the heat of the moment! But I thought I would share a few photos of Prince#1 over the years. Now please remember that most of these pic's are for a regular ole' camera....you know the ones the "old ones" that took that stuff called film! And I don't have a scanner...so if they look like they were copied with a digital camera as a picture that is because they were!

1 day old!

1 month old

4 months old...he loved that johnny jumper!

4 months old

9 months old

11 months old..and I can walk now!

14 months old...I still love this pic!

2 yrs old

3yrs old

1st day of Kindergarten!

Playing T-ball

1st Grade

One day at the fair!

Taken just this last Spring!

I guess as you watch your kids grow and all the pain and suffering you endure to have them in your life all of it now seems so small and not important! I have had my battle with this one....oh believe me I have! Would I change him? No....Would I wish him on someone else? There are days I wish the other half that made him knew exactly what I dealt with all those years....but really I wouldn't! Would I trade him for someone else? There have been days.....but it all comes down to this he is my baby, my first born and even with all the trouble that has followed him his whole life I would not trade him for anything!